i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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