your room smells of hookers.
And success
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
