Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
