im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
