I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
