I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize