last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
