shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You smell like stripper and shame
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
