yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
