Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
