i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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