I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
