the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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