My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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