Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
