you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
