imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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