OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
