Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
