I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
