I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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