we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
