i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
