but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
