You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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