I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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