it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I touched a dick in church today
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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