Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize