Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
smell my finger.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
