Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
