and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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