Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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