so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
