just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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