Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
