Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
