Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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