So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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