I met the friendliest cop last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
