I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize