Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
