The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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