playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
