I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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