how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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