apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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