Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dick very happy bro
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize