You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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