If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
