I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize