my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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