K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
