I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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