new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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