Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
