White coat. Heels.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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