My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Randomize
