Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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