Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
