just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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