I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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