We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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