Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
