I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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