And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
