You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
