He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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