she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
