Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
