Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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