girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
