bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
