Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
