My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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