there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
