my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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