I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
