i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
