doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
