plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
