Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize