I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
