and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize