we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
