textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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