I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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