she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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