So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The feeling are messing with the penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
