Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
