you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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