my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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