toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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