Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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