he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
