i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
