Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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