Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
