Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
