I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
