you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
