every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
