your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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