if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
