my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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