ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize