Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
