yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
