Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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