If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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