so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
