i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
