i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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