operation have a gay friend backfired
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
