So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
